Ok first off i have been wondering a lot as to why nice guys do tend to always either finish off last or even second best. for example their are people who i know that have been sucessfull in things recently that they have always wanted or dreamed about, but when it is something that i may have always dreamed, wished or even prayed about nothing has happened, or if it has nothing has even come about it or again i have been told i have been unsuccessful.
I mean in most days i just want to raise the white flag and surrender, but then i think, why should i even do that? It's just allowing other people to win and for once I want to be the winner, so from now on i am going to try and be a bit more controlling and well not so trust worthy to a lot of people (Exluding my partner their cause well, there are certain privlidges that well should always be given and met!)
I have been thinking also about where I see myself in five years time and to tell you it is kind of scary to even look that far into the future, beacuse in some ways i really have no idea where i want to. I know that i want to be able to have the things i have always dreamed about, like a house (preferrably in my favourite suburb, and for those who are close to me who know exactly where i am talking about), have no debts to worry about like i still have thanks to well some very bad decisions from my past that somehow keep haunting me and just generally good health and not have to spend nearly once a month or so in Westmead Hospital - for once! (seriously though i am considering maybe at least buying into the hospital or even maybe buying it, seeming as well i am there just about nearly every couple of weeks - again!)
i guess its just that i am well not so much depressed but just can't understand as to why nice people do finish last and all the kind of nasty and vile people (that i know of, and if you are reading this and spying on me, you know exactly who you are!) and just for once i would love it if you could finish last so the rest of us can actually have a chance to get in first place.
oh well like that is ever going to happen!