10 years on from high school graduation

Today I was going through some old items of mine to discover my high school graduation certificate from Balmain High School (now known as Sydney Secondary College Balmain Campus - mouth full if you ask me!) and I was surprised to learn that it has been just over 10 years since I graduated year 12 and it got me thinking, what has changed in those ten years.

I know one thing that has definitely changed for me is my acceptance of who I truly am in life and come out to both my parents, friends, past and present co-workers and that certainly has been a weight off my shoulder. I would also like to point out that it does get better and it does become easier. Coming out as a gay man was the best thing for myself, my health and my sanity!

In high school I was confused and was not sure of who I was exactly and what I truly wanted out of life. I was teased for being gay before I knew or at least whilst I was trying discover who I am exactly. But with that said children or at least teenagers can be harsh and bullies in which I would like to point out an old saying here - 

'sticks and stones my break my bones, but words will never hurt me'

Let me tell you that saying is still very true to this day and will always be the case because people who don't understand or accept are just plain blind sighted and ignorant! If I listened to most of the bullies and people in general I would probably not be here writing this post!

Getting back on track though, the one thing I was darn sure of was never going to university. I know weird but in some ways I knew deep down I could not cope with both the workload and studies required. Having a slight learning difficulty would also just make things worse, however now I am starting to think about going to university and maybe completing a degree or diploma (still deciding on what I wish to study first) but I also haven't ruled out going to TAFE either.

One thing that has changed is my health, which has seen probably better days, weeks, months, hell even years. I now use a wheelchair to get around when in the community as such and around home I can either use my walking sticks or can try to walk around like a penguin (yeah yeah laugh all you want at that - smart ass! lol). Prior to that in 2007 I used to walk around with a walking stick (yeah ok probably looked like an old man, have to keep you young whipper snappers in line you know hehe) and prior to that in 2002 I was able to walk fine.

I hear you say why my health is been well, so messed up? Well it's a little bit complex but in short I was born with Spina Bifida and due to its complexities I have been having ongoing health issues (and multiple admissions to Westmead Hospital - shuddering at even the thought let alone typing to words).

Another thing that has changed for me is that I am in a very loving, happy relationship with my partner Brett or Brettles as I affectionately call him. I am engaged and (trying) to plan a commitment ceremony (stupid not being able to get married - grunt) for next year (2012 around early November). 

I am trying to pay off debts from a one fucked up ex (and they certainly know who they are, wanker!) who made sure I was screwed over royally financially - alas I shouldn't hold that much of a grudge, but when we are talking about $30k above its not a pretty picture!

I have a half sister (who really is like a sister to me), Kerri who when having a hard time in hospital always manages to make me laugh and put a smile back on my face!

I have a wonderful mother, father and little brother who have helped both myself and Brett during hard times both financially and physically and are always there when we need them or they need us (love you mum, dad and shan)

I have fantastic friends like Emma, Kristi, Allanah, Steve and the kids, Rebecca, Scott, Sandra, Annie, Maya, Kylie, Bridget, Eddy and Nat, Jarrod, Adam and Gavin, Vito and Boyd, Johnny, Dean, Leah in all honest there is way to many to mention on here but I will say that if I didn't mention your name I am sorry but you know who you are and you know how much you guys mean to me! It's like a huge family of support really with my friends and for that I am truly grateful.

So I guess really at the end of the day that within that 10 year period so much has really changed both for the good, the bad and well the in between. Would I change it for anything in the world? Hell no!

it's those ten years which have shaped me who I am today and for that I grateful!

9/11 - Ten Years on

It's hard to believe that it has been just on ten years since the world changed. The fateful day in which so many lives had been lost, murdered you may say because a terrorist group wanted to show its might, yet thinking about it all it did was bring the world together, a city, nation together as one.

I think back to the day in which was September 11, 2001. It seemed like any other day really, well in my eyes. It was a Wednesday morning I was woken up as usual by my mum to get ready for school. Being this was my final year in high school and so close to trial HSC exams and cramming as much as possible into my brain, I was slow to wake up, yet the tone in which my mum spoke got me worried.

She said that two planes had hit the World Trade Centre in New York City and another plane had hit onto the Pentagon in Washington DC. Now being a teenager I wasn't sure of what the World Trade Centre was.  Stupid I know but being all the way in Sydney I mainly knew Australian Icons. However in my defence I would say that I did know that there was two very large towers that defined the sleepless city. I also knew what the Pentagon was (I have Hollywood for that part).

So literally jumping out of bed, I went into the lounge room which by now my mum had it on CNN (at the time the only places you could get CNN was on cable - Optus TV or Foxtel) and I remember seeing the pictures and thinking is this real? Is this just Hollywood playing a joke on us or a movie trailer to a new action filming coming out in the summer, but no, it was in fact true.

Looking at the pictures and seeing the text below the screen ticking across I just couldn't real comprehend or even believe what was actually happening. I then looked over to the clock and realised that I would be late for school (having a disability does help as I had transport paid for and arranged by the Dept of Transport NSW and Dept of Education and Training in NSW at the time).

On the way to school, within our driver's van we remained listening or glued really to the radio and hearing at the time The Morning Crew (Wendy Harmer and Peter Moon) in which the voices of the hosts really brought home how much this tragedy really was. It made you just feel sick really.

I do remember this one caller who came through and she was hysterical as one of her family members (if I remember clearly I believe it was her son) in which she just wanted to know what was happening as she was in the car on the way to the airport and it was when Wendy Harmer came on (one of the Morning Show hosts) and said that they would be taking a break for a couple of minutes. All that was heard was a song (that I can't remember exactly) and they came back on and I just really remember one of the hosts of the show saying "I'm sorry folks but we have the grave and I mean grave news of informing you that the twin towers have collapsed. They are just rubble. I think just the emotion that came through made me and my fellow passengers, friends in fact including our driver want to be sick.

I remember that our driver at that stage said he would be pulling over and we prayed. We prayed for the victims, for the survivors, for the emergency workers and rescuers that maybe they would find peace given what had happened. It might sound silly but it was the only thing we could do.

I then remember coming into school and I was running a little bit late for my first period lesson - Geography in which over the last couple of week we had an exchange teacher from the USA. I remember walking into the classroom and that our normal teacher, Mr Gledhill, was at his desk and he said that given everything that had happened this morning that we would talk about the events that had unfolded.

It was a couple of minutes into explaining what had just happened before class started our teacher informed us that the exchange student (who I cannot for the life of me remember her name and for this I truly do apologise) was not coming in and that she was in fact packing to go back to the United States as her brother worked in the World Trade Centre and well was not sure if he got out or not. In some ways I felt so sorry for her because she was a very, very long way from home.

I just wish we would have found out if her brother survived or not. At least then either way we would have been able to say we are thinking of you and your family and to this day, every time 9/11 comes up I do think about her family and hope and pray that no matter what, that she and her family would be ok.

I remember the rest of the day was spent watching, ready, searching on the net on what had happened. To this day I still can't believe what did unfold. I know that in this generation and many more to come, that 9/11 will be remembered for the tragic loss of life, for the way lives where suddenly turned upside down and inside out.

So ten years on now we think, pray and hope, continue to build and renew, become stronger and more resilient, willing to fight and show terrorists that no matter what, we will fight back!

Ten years on we remember, never forget and show our solidarity.