Life.....how short it is

This is probably the most saddest blog I have had to write so far because it has kind of hit home for some reason.

I am currently in Westmead Hospital due to ongoing health issues in which I have made a couple of new friends in here and sadly, one of them is dying from huntington’s disease.

Since meeting him on Saturday Morning when I first woke up in the ward and beginning to chat with him, I realised that he was a fighter, someone who would no matter what try to beat the odds. He has tried to get the hospital staff to bring him food he can eat (however he has a feeding tube which has now been stopped, although he still thinks he is being fed through this). Going to the bathroom and trying to shower himself he has at everystage tried to keep his independence even through his body is not allowing him.

It shows your the mind is certainly a powerful thing over the body at any time when you think about this.

His condition is a heart retching one because the pain he has been put through over the last eleven years have now taken his toll. It has only been in the last twenty four hours that his family and doctors have agreed there is no more they can do for him but to let him slip away peacefully.

Speaking with him today was the hardest I have ever done as the family requested he not know what is happening to him as to not put him in a panicked state (which is understandable given his limited current capacity). However it is harder for his wife and two daughters who stayed by his bedside last night until two-thirty this morning before being kicked out by the nursing staff to only return in the mid morning today.

My thoughts are certainly with them at this stage because I know it is not easy to watch a loved one slip away. I did it over six years ago with my grandfather and I have to say, this gentleman is certainly like my grandfather, a fighter!

It is this that makes me remember what I went through with my family and it shows me and certainly reminds me how short life truly is and that we should certainly never take it for granted.

My heart and thoughts certainly do go out to this family and to anyone else who has either been through the same or similar things with loved ones, friends, parents or children as it is certainly something that I would not wish upon anyone.

Remember, life is short and enjoy every minute of what you have!

Random thought of reflection

This afternoon I was going through some stuff from high school and a thought occurred to me just how much if feels like a lifetime ago that I was back in high school, not really worried about the stresses of life and it made me think why that view has changed.


In some ways I guess it is because this is real life – duh! That would be the logical explanation but I think it is also because it shows how much we have grown up from those many lifetimes ago and have become the people we are today.

I know this does sound completely stupid and must seem as though I am “high” from whatever meds I am currently taking for my back pain issues, but it’s not really. In some ways I wish I could go back in time and relive my youth, do so many things differently to what I did, live a little more, explore new territories but that is just wishful thinking at the end of the day.

Ok so in some ways I am jealous of Doctor Who (copyright BBC Cyrmu – have to keep the legalities in just for extra protection) and his TARDIS (again copyright BBC Cyrmu) as he can go back in time and see things from a different light or hell, just go back to an hour ago and maybe do things differently but then where would the fun be in that (although would be even more fun if I had control of the TARDIS and his sonic screwdriver).

I know, I know, that really shows the inner doctor who nerd of me, but it’s true, think about it for a moment. I am sure most of you have felt the same in one way or another.

Though in most ways I am happy and glad of the person I have become today. Yeah sure there have been a few downs but there have been a few up or good points which have shaped who I am. I have a loving partner who I love and support very much, the love and support of my family and very close friends.

I guess in a way you could say that our past and our present make us who we are, never the same but always different.

Tough I still reckon it would be cool to go back in time and maybe have some fun causing havoc - don't you?

Back pain hell!!

Ok so this is going to be a blog that is somewhat very personal, but I thought it was worth sharing none the less.

A lot of people normally see a side of me, well a face that I put on, a happy one, but i am far from happy. Why you ask, well its because of my disability which I was born with and no before anyone asks, I don’t blame my parents.

I have been living with a lot of pain over the last couple of years. to explain in short I have Spina Bifida, however I have a rare case that is not common and the doctor have trouble trying to work out the best course of action as I have fatty/scar tissue wrapping around my spine causing all sorts of issues.

To explain more, I have had 4 back surgeries, one when i was 6 months old, then 4 and a half, 16 and 19 with the last one in 2003 having complications due to spinal fluid leakage in which it was advised by my previous neurosurgeon that another operation would not be a possibility because there is not enough skin to hold.

However in january this year, my new neurosurgeon has advised that he can operate and there are ways around/patches which can be used to stop spinal leakage from occurring, the only catch is that he is not able to guarantee if I will get better, stay the same or in fact get worse.

Why?

Well the problem is that with that fatty tissue, there is nerves running through such tissues and as they cut away the fatty tissue, they can cut or severely severe the nerves which could in fact lead to further problems. hence why the surgeon has stated it would be exploratory but they will try their best not to cause to much distress.

Now your probably even thinking why would I go ahead with the surgery when there are guarantees. Well that again is simple - I need to do something and try and see if it works or pays off. Yeah if it gets worse, it gets worse but it has to be better then what the current situation.

The current situation is that I am currently in Westmead Hospital since last Friday because of increased back[ain and complete weakness of my legs. Don’t get me wrong, I do use a wheelchair to get around in the community, but at home I generally use walking crutches or just hold on to things and try to walk.

I am over the pain right now and just want to see what may or may not happen if I have the surgery, the problem is the doctors are unable to do the surgery while I am in here which worries me a little.

To say the least the last 6 months or so have been so bad with back pain that, well I have wanted to do something which in all honesty would be a cowardly thing to do but when your living with so much pain it does become unbearable.

Yeah sure I am on pain medication but thats not really a long term viability. Something needs to be done and right now the only thing that could be at least some benefit if not no benefit at all is the surgery.

Again your wondering why I am telling you this and the truth is, I wanted to go, well pubic and say that if you are living with back pain or problems alike, then you certainly aren’t alone.

I just hope that things improve soon if not the wheels are put fully in motion for this surgery to happen because I am just over all this pain!!

I would like to note that I do have a wonderful support group. From my family (my mum, dad, and little brother) to my wonderful partner, Brett to various friends and relatives!! Without their support I know I could not have gotten through this or the last 6 months!!!

Note:

If you are looking to find out more about spina bifida, then please click on the links below -

• Northcott Spina Bifida Services (if you can, please donate to this worth while charity)
• Spina Bifida (wikipedia)
• Spina Bifida Hydrocephalus Queensland

Song of hurt/pain/breakup/down and out

I have no idea why I am writing this blog about my list of breakup/hurt songs for?

I think it could be simply because I have quite a bit of back pain right now and I am listening to this playlist right now - weird I know but I am over pain right now!

These are the songs I play when I feel down, hurt or have broken or dumped by someone.

Well without further, here is my list

1. Left outside alone - Anatascia
2. One of us - ABBA/A*teens
3. The Call - Backstreet Boys
4. These Days - Bardot
5. Sorry seems to be the hardest thing to say - Blue/Elton John
6. Stronger - Britney Spears/Glee Cast
7. Beautiful - Christina Aguilera
8. Heartbreak (Make me a dancer) - Freemasons feat Sophie Ellis-Bextor
9. He Don’t love you - Human Nature
10. Don’t wanna let you go - Five
11. Over you - Sophie Ellis-Bextor
12. Total Eclipse of the Heart - Glee Cast
13. Bad Romance - Lady Gaga or Glee Cast
14. Half a heart - H & Claire
15. The Letter - Hoobastank feat Vanessa Amorosi
16. Sorry - Madonna
17. If I never see your face again - Maroon 5 feat Rhinnana
18. Wake up call - Maroon 5
19. So What - P!nk
20. Lonely no more - Rob Thomas
21. I never liked you - Rogue Traders
22. Have you ever - S Club 7
23. Be that way - Scandal’us
24. I can’t decide - Scissor Sisters
25. Kiss you off - Scissor Sisters
26. Who do you think you are - Spice Girls
27. Hard to say I’m sorry - Westlife
28. My Turn - Yehonathan
29. Who do you think you are - Spice Girls
30. What about us - John Barrowman

Well there is my list. I know there are some weird song, but this is my playlist when I am feeing down and out of it!

I would like to also hear what songs you think or are great hurt, down and out of luck or breakup songs?

We used to be friends

Well I hate to say it, but i certainly believe that the song 'we used to be friends' by The Dandy Warholes (if you don't know what song I am talking about, here it is for you - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bm1g5Yg0hUw&ob=av2nm) really does have a meaning to it.

Why does it have a meaning, well because I am disappointed in a couple of people I used to be friends with back in the day and have tried on numerous occasions (more so recently) but they just seem to snob me off. I know people change but honestly its just rude!

I feel some what hurt because these people where really close to myself, actually helped me during dark times, fun times, sad times and were just there we I needed a friend. Ok yeah I might have lost touch with them, but the minute you try to make it up and just not say either hello back or block myself of certain apps, msn or yahoo is just rude. What may have been said in the past, and i am talking like childhood year - kids can say and be real bastards, but hey where adults now right? So whats the problem............who knows, all I know is if thats the way its going to be, then fine, don't come crawling back later on with your tail between your legs acting like a sad puppy cause I won't be listening............or maybe I should and treat you the way you have treated me!!

Oh well, as the song and the headline for this post state, we USED to be friends! Good bye and goodluck!

Looking back, a Summary of 2010 - miracle style

Ok, it is officially sad. I haven’t blogged since January this year......I am actually quite shocked and horrified it has been so long and with 2011 just a mere two days away, here I am blogging for the year’s end!!!

I Just don’t know where to actually start........I suppose the beginning would probably be the best but thats just it, so much has truly happened.

It’s like those times in which you have one year that really nothing major really happens and then you have another year either the same or a little more hectic or just outright outrageous.

If I was asked to rate what kind of year I would have........well let’s just say there aren’t enough words to even begin to describe what a year it has been. So many changes, so many new friends and familiar faces popping up or catching up over coffee or lunch. I just hope 2011 is either going to be a little calmer if not actually on my side for once.....hopefully!!!

However thinking about it now 2010 hasn’t been all that bad. There have been a couple of changes in which I am proud to say yeah I’ve done it!!! (now now, no dirty thinking there boys and girls, lets keep it clean yeah?).

Got a promotion at work during the first half of the year, moved out of home and in with my partner (although scary as it is, it wasn’t too bad).

Written a few new fan fictions as well, which also surprised me (If you think I am seriously going to let you know my pen name, then you are dreaming a dream which shall never happen - of course the people who already know, its all good)

Had a holiday up at the Gold Coast also in the first half of the year, which actually was quite nice come to think about it. Was good and very well deserved. Also went back up to Brisbane to catch up with my dearest friends and well bug brother Steph and his partner Andrew, Actually i believe my relationship with Brett is pretty much like their, which come to think about it...........yeah that’s scary (love you Stephy and Andy and a huge thank you and hello to Ma as well!!!!).

Also had a couple of low points in the year, mainly around being admitted to Westmead Hospital yet again (seriously, I have to think about either buying fully or at least half into that place. It seems I can never escape) due to backpain issues which was fun to say the least. Only downside is when the crazy patient next door tried to do a striptease and lets just say it wasn’t a sight you would ever want to see.

Been also to Westmead since due to gastro bug I seemed to have caught but so far now, all is well (probably just jinxed myself)

Also got into the world of twitter baby yeah!!! why not follow me -

www.twitter.com/miracleboi it’s all good!!!!

Been on the airwaves with the lovely Emma and Johnny B who is the host of his own show, bringin’ it back on SWRFM 99.9 (shameless plug here, but also going back on Monday 3rd January 2011). It is awesome that local community radio stations are bringing awesome shows and tunes back to where it all starts really. Seeding those grassroots (ok that probably sounds wrong but eh - sue me!!)

So yeah, 2010 has been pretty hectic, but would I change it for anything in the world, hell no (well maybe the staying in Westmead for 3 weeks but yeah - hell no!!)

The only thing I am left to say is that I hope 2011 bring more change, drama, action, love, peace and harmony!!!

I hope all of you have a safe New Years celebrations and enjoy what life has to offer and bring you, because it only get’s better with time!!!

Take care and until next time, Take care yeah!!!

Miracleboi (aka Alex)

Looking back to the future

Well its is the New Year, 2010 and although most people are saying this is the new decade, I certainly think it is a timely reminder that it seems we are willing to celebrate things a little bit too early.

For example, the new decade really doesn't start until the beginning of 2011, or how we tend to celebrate birthdays, weddings even national public holidays early.

I sometimes wonder why we seem to want to celebrate things early. Yeah most people would say any excuse for a party and i would have to agree but i also feel in some ways we need to look at things from a bigger picture? Is it really worth it?

With that said i need to move on and digress some more as 2009 certainly was an interesting year in itself.

Yes 2009 brought happiness and sadness not only to myself but my family, friends and my partner Brett. Looking back it is amazing how much things changed but how my relationship grew with not only my partner but my family and friends as well.

I just hope 2010 doesn't start off the same for me and so far (without jinxing myself here) hasn't happened so far.

With that i have a few people i need to say thank you too for all your support over 2009 as you have been there when i have needed it the most.

Brett -

Well what to really say here? I think even writing how much I love you and thank you for being both my tower of strength and rock when i needed it the most doesn't seem enough really. 2009 certainly brought us together and i look forward to what 2010 will bring us. I love you soo much and really cannot wait to see what 2010 has in stall for us both.

Mum -

Well this is always a hard thing as not many of us thank our own mothers for all they have done. I know i don't say it enough but thank you for everything you have done for me. You have helped me through some very difficult times in 2009 and i thank you for allowing me to talk things through with you and make me see things much more clearly. I love you Mum and thank you for all you have done!

Emma -

Ms Emma what i can i say? It has been two and a half years since we both began at the WPA and it seems our friendship was just meant to be. I have enjoyed very much our late night conversations on MSN and also during drinks night or latte's down at Gloria Jeans but also just having our "discussions" during breaks both outside of the office and our little shopping adventures. I certainly hope 2010 brings you the happiness you deserve

Dean -

Well Mr Dean, this is going to be interesting because i have soo missed our little banter at the office over the past 6 months as its not the same on MSN sometimes. I think i shrine to your wonder and just round kindness should be erected out the front of the workplace. I certainly hope to catch up again soon and hope 2010 brings your the best of everything for you. I look forward to coming to any future shows you may perform in and just be inspired!

Shannon -

My youngest brother, 2009 certain was filled with highs and lows but i am finally glad to see you happy doing the one thing that really makes you feel good! I know i give you grief over working for a certain airline (which i won't mention on here :P) but if i didn't then well things wouldn't be interesting now would they? I really do hope that you find happiness as you truly deserve it. Thank you for supporting myself and Brett when we needed it!

Wade -

I really don't know what to say here? 2009 certainly has been interesting for you and i know it has also been tough but like i said for Shannon, i am finally glad to see that you have found a job you love more so than your last and i thank you for making me laugh when i needed it sometimes!

Kerri -

Well now i have to be careful here as i do sometimes have to remind myself that this is a public forum and that some of our discussions but without you during my time on hospital (and its scary i am admitting this right now lol) that you made the time seems a little bit brighter, so thank you

Julia -

Well again i have to keep this clean for the sake of the readers but while i was in hospital, your banter and laughter made the day seem brighter. I wish you all the best for the HSC this year and i know you will do very well. Thank you for everything you have done to keep my spirits high when i needed it.

My Nuke friends -

To all my Nuke friends (and your all on my FB and on the wiki) I have to say that it has been a pleasure to get to know you guys and work along side you on the wiki and support the characters and read the fine Fan Fiction. I look forward to getting to know you all a bit better and work to save the show we love the most!!!

Well this is just a small list but to everyone i have got to know and might not have mentioned, I haven't forgotten you and i thank you all for your support and hope this can continue well into the new year

With that all said, it's time for me to go, but i want to wish you all a happy and safe new year for 2010, may it bring everyone of you happiness and joy, wonder and laughter with some mystery thrown in for good measure.

Take Care and till next time!

Miracleboi > signing off for now!