Random thought of reflection

This afternoon I was going through some stuff from high school and a thought occurred to me just how much if feels like a lifetime ago that I was back in high school, not really worried about the stresses of life and it made me think why that view has changed.


In some ways I guess it is because this is real life – duh! That would be the logical explanation but I think it is also because it shows how much we have grown up from those many lifetimes ago and have become the people we are today.

I know this does sound completely stupid and must seem as though I am “high” from whatever meds I am currently taking for my back pain issues, but it’s not really. In some ways I wish I could go back in time and relive my youth, do so many things differently to what I did, live a little more, explore new territories but that is just wishful thinking at the end of the day.

Ok so in some ways I am jealous of Doctor Who (copyright BBC Cyrmu – have to keep the legalities in just for extra protection) and his TARDIS (again copyright BBC Cyrmu) as he can go back in time and see things from a different light or hell, just go back to an hour ago and maybe do things differently but then where would the fun be in that (although would be even more fun if I had control of the TARDIS and his sonic screwdriver).

I know, I know, that really shows the inner doctor who nerd of me, but it’s true, think about it for a moment. I am sure most of you have felt the same in one way or another.

Though in most ways I am happy and glad of the person I have become today. Yeah sure there have been a few downs but there have been a few up or good points which have shaped who I am. I have a loving partner who I love and support very much, the love and support of my family and very close friends.

I guess in a way you could say that our past and our present make us who we are, never the same but always different.

Tough I still reckon it would be cool to go back in time and maybe have some fun causing havoc - don't you?

Back pain hell!!

Ok so this is going to be a blog that is somewhat very personal, but I thought it was worth sharing none the less.

A lot of people normally see a side of me, well a face that I put on, a happy one, but i am far from happy. Why you ask, well its because of my disability which I was born with and no before anyone asks, I don’t blame my parents.

I have been living with a lot of pain over the last couple of years. to explain in short I have Spina Bifida, however I have a rare case that is not common and the doctor have trouble trying to work out the best course of action as I have fatty/scar tissue wrapping around my spine causing all sorts of issues.

To explain more, I have had 4 back surgeries, one when i was 6 months old, then 4 and a half, 16 and 19 with the last one in 2003 having complications due to spinal fluid leakage in which it was advised by my previous neurosurgeon that another operation would not be a possibility because there is not enough skin to hold.

However in january this year, my new neurosurgeon has advised that he can operate and there are ways around/patches which can be used to stop spinal leakage from occurring, the only catch is that he is not able to guarantee if I will get better, stay the same or in fact get worse.

Why?

Well the problem is that with that fatty tissue, there is nerves running through such tissues and as they cut away the fatty tissue, they can cut or severely severe the nerves which could in fact lead to further problems. hence why the surgeon has stated it would be exploratory but they will try their best not to cause to much distress.

Now your probably even thinking why would I go ahead with the surgery when there are guarantees. Well that again is simple - I need to do something and try and see if it works or pays off. Yeah if it gets worse, it gets worse but it has to be better then what the current situation.

The current situation is that I am currently in Westmead Hospital since last Friday because of increased back[ain and complete weakness of my legs. Don’t get me wrong, I do use a wheelchair to get around in the community, but at home I generally use walking crutches or just hold on to things and try to walk.

I am over the pain right now and just want to see what may or may not happen if I have the surgery, the problem is the doctors are unable to do the surgery while I am in here which worries me a little.

To say the least the last 6 months or so have been so bad with back pain that, well I have wanted to do something which in all honesty would be a cowardly thing to do but when your living with so much pain it does become unbearable.

Yeah sure I am on pain medication but thats not really a long term viability. Something needs to be done and right now the only thing that could be at least some benefit if not no benefit at all is the surgery.

Again your wondering why I am telling you this and the truth is, I wanted to go, well pubic and say that if you are living with back pain or problems alike, then you certainly aren’t alone.

I just hope that things improve soon if not the wheels are put fully in motion for this surgery to happen because I am just over all this pain!!

I would like to note that I do have a wonderful support group. From my family (my mum, dad, and little brother) to my wonderful partner, Brett to various friends and relatives!! Without their support I know I could not have gotten through this or the last 6 months!!!

Note:

If you are looking to find out more about spina bifida, then please click on the links below -

• Northcott Spina Bifida Services (if you can, please donate to this worth while charity)
• Spina Bifida (wikipedia)
• Spina Bifida Hydrocephalus Queensland

Song of hurt/pain/breakup/down and out

I have no idea why I am writing this blog about my list of breakup/hurt songs for?

I think it could be simply because I have quite a bit of back pain right now and I am listening to this playlist right now - weird I know but I am over pain right now!

These are the songs I play when I feel down, hurt or have broken or dumped by someone.

Well without further, here is my list

1. Left outside alone - Anatascia
2. One of us - ABBA/A*teens
3. The Call - Backstreet Boys
4. These Days - Bardot
5. Sorry seems to be the hardest thing to say - Blue/Elton John
6. Stronger - Britney Spears/Glee Cast
7. Beautiful - Christina Aguilera
8. Heartbreak (Make me a dancer) - Freemasons feat Sophie Ellis-Bextor
9. He Don’t love you - Human Nature
10. Don’t wanna let you go - Five
11. Over you - Sophie Ellis-Bextor
12. Total Eclipse of the Heart - Glee Cast
13. Bad Romance - Lady Gaga or Glee Cast
14. Half a heart - H & Claire
15. The Letter - Hoobastank feat Vanessa Amorosi
16. Sorry - Madonna
17. If I never see your face again - Maroon 5 feat Rhinnana
18. Wake up call - Maroon 5
19. So What - P!nk
20. Lonely no more - Rob Thomas
21. I never liked you - Rogue Traders
22. Have you ever - S Club 7
23. Be that way - Scandal’us
24. I can’t decide - Scissor Sisters
25. Kiss you off - Scissor Sisters
26. Who do you think you are - Spice Girls
27. Hard to say I’m sorry - Westlife
28. My Turn - Yehonathan
29. Who do you think you are - Spice Girls
30. What about us - John Barrowman

Well there is my list. I know there are some weird song, but this is my playlist when I am feeing down and out of it!

I would like to also hear what songs you think or are great hurt, down and out of luck or breakup songs?

We used to be friends

Well I hate to say it, but i certainly believe that the song 'we used to be friends' by The Dandy Warholes (if you don't know what song I am talking about, here it is for you - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bm1g5Yg0hUw&ob=av2nm) really does have a meaning to it.

Why does it have a meaning, well because I am disappointed in a couple of people I used to be friends with back in the day and have tried on numerous occasions (more so recently) but they just seem to snob me off. I know people change but honestly its just rude!

I feel some what hurt because these people where really close to myself, actually helped me during dark times, fun times, sad times and were just there we I needed a friend. Ok yeah I might have lost touch with them, but the minute you try to make it up and just not say either hello back or block myself of certain apps, msn or yahoo is just rude. What may have been said in the past, and i am talking like childhood year - kids can say and be real bastards, but hey where adults now right? So whats the problem............who knows, all I know is if thats the way its going to be, then fine, don't come crawling back later on with your tail between your legs acting like a sad puppy cause I won't be listening............or maybe I should and treat you the way you have treated me!!

Oh well, as the song and the headline for this post state, we USED to be friends! Good bye and goodluck!

Looking back, a Summary of 2010 - miracle style

Ok, it is officially sad. I haven’t blogged since January this year......I am actually quite shocked and horrified it has been so long and with 2011 just a mere two days away, here I am blogging for the year’s end!!!

I Just don’t know where to actually start........I suppose the beginning would probably be the best but thats just it, so much has truly happened.

It’s like those times in which you have one year that really nothing major really happens and then you have another year either the same or a little more hectic or just outright outrageous.

If I was asked to rate what kind of year I would have........well let’s just say there aren’t enough words to even begin to describe what a year it has been. So many changes, so many new friends and familiar faces popping up or catching up over coffee or lunch. I just hope 2011 is either going to be a little calmer if not actually on my side for once.....hopefully!!!

However thinking about it now 2010 hasn’t been all that bad. There have been a couple of changes in which I am proud to say yeah I’ve done it!!! (now now, no dirty thinking there boys and girls, lets keep it clean yeah?).

Got a promotion at work during the first half of the year, moved out of home and in with my partner (although scary as it is, it wasn’t too bad).

Written a few new fan fictions as well, which also surprised me (If you think I am seriously going to let you know my pen name, then you are dreaming a dream which shall never happen - of course the people who already know, its all good)

Had a holiday up at the Gold Coast also in the first half of the year, which actually was quite nice come to think about it. Was good and very well deserved. Also went back up to Brisbane to catch up with my dearest friends and well bug brother Steph and his partner Andrew, Actually i believe my relationship with Brett is pretty much like their, which come to think about it...........yeah that’s scary (love you Stephy and Andy and a huge thank you and hello to Ma as well!!!!).

Also had a couple of low points in the year, mainly around being admitted to Westmead Hospital yet again (seriously, I have to think about either buying fully or at least half into that place. It seems I can never escape) due to backpain issues which was fun to say the least. Only downside is when the crazy patient next door tried to do a striptease and lets just say it wasn’t a sight you would ever want to see.

Been also to Westmead since due to gastro bug I seemed to have caught but so far now, all is well (probably just jinxed myself)

Also got into the world of twitter baby yeah!!! why not follow me -

www.twitter.com/miracleboi it’s all good!!!!

Been on the airwaves with the lovely Emma and Johnny B who is the host of his own show, bringin’ it back on SWRFM 99.9 (shameless plug here, but also going back on Monday 3rd January 2011). It is awesome that local community radio stations are bringing awesome shows and tunes back to where it all starts really. Seeding those grassroots (ok that probably sounds wrong but eh - sue me!!)

So yeah, 2010 has been pretty hectic, but would I change it for anything in the world, hell no (well maybe the staying in Westmead for 3 weeks but yeah - hell no!!)

The only thing I am left to say is that I hope 2011 bring more change, drama, action, love, peace and harmony!!!

I hope all of you have a safe New Years celebrations and enjoy what life has to offer and bring you, because it only get’s better with time!!!

Take care and until next time, Take care yeah!!!

Miracleboi (aka Alex)

Looking back to the future

Well its is the New Year, 2010 and although most people are saying this is the new decade, I certainly think it is a timely reminder that it seems we are willing to celebrate things a little bit too early.

For example, the new decade really doesn't start until the beginning of 2011, or how we tend to celebrate birthdays, weddings even national public holidays early.

I sometimes wonder why we seem to want to celebrate things early. Yeah most people would say any excuse for a party and i would have to agree but i also feel in some ways we need to look at things from a bigger picture? Is it really worth it?

With that said i need to move on and digress some more as 2009 certainly was an interesting year in itself.

Yes 2009 brought happiness and sadness not only to myself but my family, friends and my partner Brett. Looking back it is amazing how much things changed but how my relationship grew with not only my partner but my family and friends as well.

I just hope 2010 doesn't start off the same for me and so far (without jinxing myself here) hasn't happened so far.

With that i have a few people i need to say thank you too for all your support over 2009 as you have been there when i have needed it the most.

Brett -

Well what to really say here? I think even writing how much I love you and thank you for being both my tower of strength and rock when i needed it the most doesn't seem enough really. 2009 certainly brought us together and i look forward to what 2010 will bring us. I love you soo much and really cannot wait to see what 2010 has in stall for us both.

Mum -

Well this is always a hard thing as not many of us thank our own mothers for all they have done. I know i don't say it enough but thank you for everything you have done for me. You have helped me through some very difficult times in 2009 and i thank you for allowing me to talk things through with you and make me see things much more clearly. I love you Mum and thank you for all you have done!

Emma -

Ms Emma what i can i say? It has been two and a half years since we both began at the WPA and it seems our friendship was just meant to be. I have enjoyed very much our late night conversations on MSN and also during drinks night or latte's down at Gloria Jeans but also just having our "discussions" during breaks both outside of the office and our little shopping adventures. I certainly hope 2010 brings you the happiness you deserve

Dean -

Well Mr Dean, this is going to be interesting because i have soo missed our little banter at the office over the past 6 months as its not the same on MSN sometimes. I think i shrine to your wonder and just round kindness should be erected out the front of the workplace. I certainly hope to catch up again soon and hope 2010 brings your the best of everything for you. I look forward to coming to any future shows you may perform in and just be inspired!

Shannon -

My youngest brother, 2009 certain was filled with highs and lows but i am finally glad to see you happy doing the one thing that really makes you feel good! I know i give you grief over working for a certain airline (which i won't mention on here :P) but if i didn't then well things wouldn't be interesting now would they? I really do hope that you find happiness as you truly deserve it. Thank you for supporting myself and Brett when we needed it!

Wade -

I really don't know what to say here? 2009 certainly has been interesting for you and i know it has also been tough but like i said for Shannon, i am finally glad to see that you have found a job you love more so than your last and i thank you for making me laugh when i needed it sometimes!

Kerri -

Well now i have to be careful here as i do sometimes have to remind myself that this is a public forum and that some of our discussions but without you during my time on hospital (and its scary i am admitting this right now lol) that you made the time seems a little bit brighter, so thank you

Julia -

Well again i have to keep this clean for the sake of the readers but while i was in hospital, your banter and laughter made the day seem brighter. I wish you all the best for the HSC this year and i know you will do very well. Thank you for everything you have done to keep my spirits high when i needed it.

My Nuke friends -

To all my Nuke friends (and your all on my FB and on the wiki) I have to say that it has been a pleasure to get to know you guys and work along side you on the wiki and support the characters and read the fine Fan Fiction. I look forward to getting to know you all a bit better and work to save the show we love the most!!!

Well this is just a small list but to everyone i have got to know and might not have mentioned, I haven't forgotten you and i thank you all for your support and hope this can continue well into the new year

With that all said, it's time for me to go, but i want to wish you all a happy and safe new year for 2010, may it bring everyone of you happiness and joy, wonder and laughter with some mystery thrown in for good measure.

Take Care and till next time!

Miracleboi > signing off for now!

Housing NSW.......makes the Brady bunch look normal

Ok again i am sorry for not updating for a little while but you will get the reason why during this little or well long blog, for how ever long it is really.

Ok where to start here. As most might know i have disability and slowly going into a wheelchair, not that i am complaining but Housing NSW (or Department of Housing, like social housing as such) have been causing a constant headache for myself and my family.

First off late last year we applied to be permanently transferred to a new house with the intent it be fully modified to cater for a wheelchair to only have just before Christmas 2008 have that knocked back because i earn to much.

I understand the reasoning but with a declining person with restrictive mobility not being able to fully utilise a non wheelchair accessible house they are a listed tenant living their you think common sense would come into effect.

HELL NO, THIS IS NSW GOVERNMENT RED TAPE WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HERE!

Not specifically having a go at anyone who i do know works for the NSW Government but still, it is a huge Joke if not just a major disappointment.

Now we are applied for a reconsideration to only find out that the reconsideration got lost, or they never got it to only have it handed into the office we deal with and to have it rejected because we didn't meet time frames (apparently you have to apply for the recon within 14 days yet there is no where i can find that actually says this within the legislation - typical eh)

Anyway we ended up going back as a party with my OT, Social workers and family members to work on a better proposal and try to re-apply for another transfer request which we have now down, but here comes the better part of the story.

As I type this, I am currently staying at a motel in Burwood because Housing NSW wanted to get the list of work it has had planned for the past oh.................. 11 years done with us being out of the house while this occurs.

The only good thing is that they are paying for this, the funny thing that isn't good about this is that so far the only jobs that have been completed are -

- Painting of internal walls and windows (mind you during the dust storm Sydney had on Wednesday) which started on that Wednesday and right through until Thursday

- Carpenters come in and fix any thing that needed a carpenters hand at fixing like the windows, doors, door frames, etc

But it is the things that need to be completed by tis coming wednesday that have us worried such as -

- New carpet and Lino to be put down, replacing what is still laid within the house

- New Electrical wiring to be done and completed

- Removal of a dehumidifier that hasn't worked for well over 5 years out of the roof

- further exploration of what damage has been done to the roof from the roofers who put on the new tiles without checking the supporting rafters or beams (Typical mind you if you ask me)

- treatment of the concrete cancer within the brickwork on the outside

- facia board at front to be fully replaced

- treatment of mould on the brickwork on the outside of the house

- guttering to be replaced

i could just keep going really but i wont, but that gives you the idea at least on what is really going on at our house, yet the Dept want to increase our rent by $20 a week because of the size of the house its the right thing to do in the area we live in

HELLLLLOOOOOOOOO..........IN THE WORDS OF A KELIS SONG HERE I DON'T THINK SO!

So that matter has gone to the tribunal (CTTT) and we are awaiting for all works to be completed before we even agree for the increase and let me tell you, they can fight us tooth and nail if they want because i will make sure that all work is completed before this happens!

It just amazes me that Housing NSW have had this list with them for well over 11 years but nothing has really been done about it until the federal government hands them some money and says "do what you need to do to fix all these problems"

Seriously it is just wrong and i wouldn't be surprised if the NSW government (Being the current Labour Government) gets a good swift kick up the rear ends it needs to get ousted and realise that enough is enough really!

On the other half i do have to say and make one small disclaimer here that our Client Services Officer (or CSO) has been brilliant when we have been trying to get things done and very helpful but for the rest of the Dept, if this was to be like an episode of Big Brother or the Brady Bunch, it would make those programs seem somewhat normal really

No wonder at the age of 25 i am starting to get grey hair..................