The world that is Miracleboi

My thoughts on Mardi Gras new name and identity

2011-11-18T19:28:00.003+11:00

Can I be honest, I am glad that the alphabet soup os LGBTIQ has gone - I mean that was a mouthful even without saying what it stand for!! In case your not sure what all those letter's mean here it is - Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Transgender, Intersex and Queer! Mouthful huh?

Secondly I am in two frames of mind about this change. It is upsetting to see "Gay and Lesbian" dropped from the Mardi Gras name but at the same time things have changed and shifted somewhat. Just go down Oxford St and you will see what is happening. What was once the gay heart and hub of Sydney has changed and is continually becoming smaller and smaller.

Yes this could be a move to raise more dollars from corporate Australia but I don't think it will ever loose its history or its core values. Looking at the survey on various websites, people want the name change and remember they did consult with the community and the majority want it to be about inclusion, not exclusion.

Its a positive yet negative move but what would have happened if it continued down the same path? Would Sydney have lost Mardi Gras altogether? Maybe - perhaps. Then what would we have done?

Looking at the last couple of years the parade as gotten smaller and smaller with less entries into the parade, at fair day and numerous other events. The gay community has changed and shifted in a huge way!

Look at grindr and all those other new dating applications. They have changed how most gay guys and gals meet other people!! No longer is it about going to Oxford St to meet new people, all you have to do it just touch your smartphone and get the app working and your on your way to hooking up or finding love or new friends!!

Also how many of us say "hey, are you going to Mardi Gras??" or "I was in Mardi Gras and it was awesome!!" we don't ever say "hey are you going to Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras?" no one ever has said that to me unless I had to explain it to someone who didn't know what it was about. We shorten things down socially without thinking about it, but when we change the name permanently we get upset? I just don't get it?

Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras (formerly New Mardi Gras) Pete Urmson has stated:

"The Sydney Mardi Gras will always have its thumping gay heart that celebrates the city’s lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex and queer communities, but Mardi Gras is now inviting those who share our positive message about the power and beauty of diversity to be part of our celebration. We would love to see people who share our values, but who never thought they would be in the Parade, to approach us and share their ideas. There will always be room for a great float which will both entertain and bring people together."

“Our hope with this change is to turn Sydney Mardi Gras into an even bigger civic event – right up there with Rio and the world’s other great carnivals – to be enjoyed by everyone, but always remembered as being a gift to the city from its gay and lesbian community and a demonstration of our pride."

So its all about change and thats what happened within the LGBTIQ community! I think this could and maybe a positive move to become more inclusive and much bigger event than ever before because isn't that what it's all about at the end of the day - inclusiveness??

If you want to have a look at the Mardi Gras new line up for next's years event or just have a look at what has and is changing you can visit their website - www.mardigras.com.au

*Quote taken from SSONet (Sydney Star Observer) - Mardi Gras' circle of love article which you can read here.

10 years on from high school graduation

2011-10-03T21:49:00.001+11:00

Today I was going through some old items of mine to discover my high school graduation certificate from Balmain High School (now known as Sydney Secondary College Balmain Campus - mouth full if you ask me!) and I was surprised to learn that it has been just over 10 years since I graduated year 12 and it got me thinking, what has changed in those ten years.

I know one thing that has definitely changed for me is my acceptance of who I truly am in life and come out to both my parents, friends, past and present co-workers and that certainly has been a weight off my shoulder. I would also like to point out that it does get better and it does become easier. Coming out as a gay man was the best thing for myself, my health and my sanity!

In high school I was confused and was not sure of who I was exactly and what I truly wanted out of life. I was teased for being gay before I knew or at least whilst I was trying discover who I am exactly. But with that said children or at least teenagers can be harsh and bullies in which I would like to point out an old saying here -

'sticks and stones my break my bones, but words will never hurt me'

Let me tell you that saying is still very true to this day and will always be the case because people who don't understand or accept are just plain blind sighted and ignorant! If I listened to most of the bullies and people in general I would probably not be here writing this post!

Getting back on track though, the one thing I was darn sure of was never going to university. I know weird but in some ways I knew deep down I could not cope with both the workload and studies required. Having a slight learning difficulty would also just make things worse, however now I am starting to think about going to university and maybe completing a degree or diploma (still deciding on what I wish to study first) but I also haven't ruled out going to TAFE either.

One thing that has changed is my health, which has seen probably better days, weeks, months, hell even years. I now use a wheelchair to get around when in the community as such and around home I can either use my walking sticks or can try to walk around like a penguin (yeah yeah laugh all you want at that - smart ass! lol). Prior to that in 2007 I used to walk around with a walking stick (yeah ok probably looked like an old man, have to keep you young whipper snappers in line you know hehe) and prior to that in 2002 I was able to walk fine.

I hear you say why my health is been well, so messed up? Well it's a little bit complex but in short I was born with Spina Bifida and due to its complexities I have been having ongoing health issues (and multiple admissions to Westmead Hospital - shuddering at even the thought let alone typing to words).

Another thing that has changed for me is that I am in a very loving, happy relationship with my partner Brett or Brettles as I affectionately call him. I am engaged and (trying) to plan a commitment ceremony (stupid not being able to get married - grunt) for next year (2012 around early November).

I am trying to pay off debts from a one fucked up ex (and they certainly know who they are, wanker!) who made sure I was screwed over royally financially - alas I shouldn't hold that much of a grudge, but when we are talking about $30k above its not a pretty picture!

I have a half sister (who really is like a sister to me), Kerri who when having a hard time in hospital always manages to make me laugh and put a smile back on my face!

I have a wonderful mother, father and little brother who have helped both myself and Brett during hard times both financially and physically and are always there when we need them or they need us (love you mum, dad and shan)

I have fantastic friends like Emma, Kristi, Allanah, Steve and the kids, Rebecca, Scott, Sandra, Annie, Maya, Kylie, Bridget, Eddy and Nat, Jarrod, Adam and Gavin, Vito and Boyd, Johnny, Dean, Leah in all honest there is way to many to mention on here but I will say that if I didn't mention your name I am sorry but you know who you are and you know how much you guys mean to me! It's like a huge family of support really with my friends and for that I am truly grateful.

So I guess really at the end of the day that within that 10 year period so much has really changed both for the good, the bad and well the in between. Would I change it for anything in the world? Hell no!

it's those ten years which have shaped me who I am today and for that I grateful!

9/11 - Ten Years on

2011-09-11T18:56:00.000+10:00

It's hard to believe that it has been just on ten years since the world changed. The fateful day in which so many lives had been lost, murdered you may say because a terrorist group wanted to show its might, yet thinking about it all it did was bring the world together, a city, nation together as one.

I think back to the day in which was September 11, 2001. It seemed like any other day really, well in my eyes. It was a Wednesday morning I was woken up as usual by my mum to get ready for school. Being this was my final year in high school and so close to trial HSC exams and cramming as much as possible into my brain, I was slow to wake up, yet the tone in which my mum spoke got me worried.

She said that two planes had hit the World Trade Centre in New York City and another plane had hit onto the Pentagon in Washington DC. Now being a teenager I wasn't sure of what the World Trade Centre was. Stupid I know but being all the way in Sydney I mainly knew Australian Icons. However in my defence I would say that I did know that there was two very large towers that defined the sleepless city. I also knew what the Pentagon was (I have Hollywood for that part).

So literally jumping out of bed, I went into the lounge room which by now my mum had it on CNN (at the time the only places you could get CNN was on cable - Optus TV or Foxtel) and I remember seeing the pictures and thinking is this real? Is this just Hollywood playing a joke on us or a movie trailer to a new action filming coming out in the summer, but no, it was in fact true.

Looking at the pictures and seeing the text below the screen ticking across I just couldn't real comprehend or even believe what was actually happening. I then looked over to the clock and realised that I would be late for school (having a disability does help as I had transport paid for and arranged by the Dept of Transport NSW and Dept of Education and Training in NSW at the time).

On the way to school, within our driver's van we remained listening or glued really to the radio and hearing at the time The Morning Crew (Wendy Harmer and Peter Moon) in which the voices of the hosts really brought home how much this tragedy really was. It made you just feel sick really.

I do remember this one caller who came through and she was hysterical as one of her family members (if I remember clearly I believe it was her son) in which she just wanted to know what was happening as she was in the car on the way to the airport and it was when Wendy Harmer came on (one of the Morning Show hosts) and said that they would be taking a break for a couple of minutes. All that was heard was a song (that I can't remember exactly) and they came back on and I just really remember one of the hosts of the show saying "I'm sorry folks but we have the grave and I mean grave news of informing you that the twin towers have collapsed. They are just rubble. I think just the emotion that came through made me and my fellow passengers, friends in fact including our driver want to be sick.

I remember that our driver at that stage said he would be pulling over and we prayed. We prayed for the victims, for the survivors, for the emergency workers and rescuers that maybe they would find peace given what had happened. It might sound silly but it was the only thing we could do.

I then remember coming into school and I was running a little bit late for my first period lesson - Geography in which over the last couple of week we had an exchange teacher from the USA. I remember walking into the classroom and that our normal teacher, Mr Gledhill, was at his desk and he said that given everything that had happened this morning that we would talk about the events that had unfolded.

It was a couple of minutes into explaining what had just happened before class started our teacher informed us that the exchange student (who I cannot for the life of me remember her name and for this I truly do apologise) was not coming in and that she was in fact packing to go back to the United States as her brother worked in the World Trade Centre and well was not sure if he got out or not. In some ways I felt so sorry for her because she was a very, very long way from home.

I just wish we would have found out if her brother survived or not. At least then either way we would have been able to say we are thinking of you and your family and to this day, every time 9/11 comes up I do think about her family and hope and pray that no matter what, that she and her family would be ok.

I remember the rest of the day was spent watching, ready, searching on the net on what had happened. To this day I still can't believe what did unfold. I know that in this generation and many more to come, that 9/11 will be remembered for the tragic loss of life, for the way lives where suddenly turned upside down and inside out.

So ten years on now we think, pray and hope, continue to build and renew, become stronger and more resilient, willing to fight and show terrorists that no matter what, we will fight back!

Ten years on we remember, never forget and show our solidarity.

Another Hospital Tale

2011-07-27T18:45:00.000+10:00

It seems to be every time I come into hospital I seem to have a real life story to share, yet this one has two significant and important messages.

The first story is about a gentleman who was riding on his motorcycle on his property in which he ended up having an accident. Now he was with two other people at the time but they where closing up and sorting out the locks for the paddock and by the time they caught up with him they found him on the ground, blood pouring out, dazed and confused. The short story is he is in hospital because he has memory loss (as he cannot remember how or what accident he had and he keeps having memory lapses of what day, year, month or even job he has) and has a large blood clot in which he is receiving medicine to help this issue.

However the moral of that story is to always no matter where ever you might be, if you are going to ride a bike, motorbike or scooter or even a buggy, please ensure you wear a helmet and always stay in a pack if you are going out anywhere. This ensures if anything goes wrong, at least you will have someone to get or give help.

The second story is quite a sad story. This is a story of a woman who came onto the ward and has been in rehabilitation for drug addiction since 1979!

That’s at least 32 years!

It is just amazes me how much drug addiction can do to people and family. In this story the sad part of it is that one of her son’s lives over in the UK and is only coming over to Australia later on this year to renew his passport, whilst the other son was by her bedside with his wife trying their best to understand what went wrong with her.

Her son and her brother tried hard to communicate with her but as she did not have her hearing aides (none of the family knew where they were as she lives with a flat mate who coincidentally on the night she came into the room I am in, snuck her out for a smoke - naughty naughty) and you can see on their face how much they where upset, strained and tired as this had been her third admission this year, previously been admitted to ICU because of a drug overdose on her medication.

It truly shows the effects of drug addiction can have on a family and what toll it can also bring to have a loved one, a son or daughter being thousands of miles away and not willing to have any contact with you at all.

It’s truly sad.

So what I ask of you if you are reading this is to ensure you always stay safe, in a pack of with at least a couple of mates, ensure you wear all appropriate safety gear such as a helmet of goggles etc and also please and I can only really plead that you stay away from drugs like ICE, cocaine, marijuana etc as even short term, part term or long term addiction of these drugs can have a massive toll later on down the track.

I would also like to point out that if you are having issues with a friend or you feel you have an addiction and wish to give up, there is help out there and I have a couple of numbers below which you can contact anonymously:

LifeLine: 13 11 14 or you can also visit their website at www.lifeline.org.au

Family Drug Help Line: 1300 660 068 or you can visit their website at www.familydrughelp.org.au

SANE Australia: 1800 18 SANE (7263) or you can find out about SANE Australia’s mental health work and fact sheets online at www.sane.org.au

Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 or you can find out more on their website at www.kidshelp.com.au

Please remember that you can remain anonymous and there is help out there!

Life.....how short it is

2011-06-09T19:50:00.002+10:00

This is probably the most saddest blog I have had to write so far because it has kind of hit home for some reason.

I am currently in Westmead Hospital due to ongoing health issues in which I have made a couple of new friends in here and sadly, one of them is dying from huntington’s disease.

Since meeting him on Saturday Morning when I first woke up in the ward and beginning to chat with him, I realised that he was a fighter, someone who would no matter what try to beat the odds. He has tried to get the hospital staff to bring him food he can eat (however he has a feeding tube which has now been stopped, although he still thinks he is being fed through this). Going to the bathroom and trying to shower himself he has at everystage tried to keep his independence even through his body is not allowing him.

It shows your the mind is certainly a powerful thing over the body at any time when you think about this.

His condition is a heart retching one because the pain he has been put through over the last eleven years have now taken his toll. It has only been in the last twenty four hours that his family and doctors have agreed there is no more they can do for him but to let him slip away peacefully.

Speaking with him today was the hardest I have ever done as the family requested he not know what is happening to him as to not put him in a panicked state (which is understandable given his limited current capacity). However it is harder for his wife and two daughters who stayed by his bedside last night until two-thirty this morning before being kicked out by the nursing staff to only return in the mid morning today.

My thoughts are certainly with them at this stage because I know it is not easy to watch a loved one slip away. I did it over six years ago with my grandfather and I have to say, this gentleman is certainly like my grandfather, a fighter!

It is this that makes me remember what I went through with my family and it shows me and certainly reminds me how short life truly is and that we should certainly never take it for granted.

My heart and thoughts certainly do go out to this family and to anyone else who has either been through the same or similar things with loved ones, friends, parents or children as it is certainly something that I would not wish upon anyone.

Remember, life is short and enjoy every minute of what you have!

Random thought of reflection

2011-03-24T20:26:00.000+11:00

This afternoon I was going through some stuff from high school and a thought occurred to me just how much if feels like a lifetime ago that I was back in high school, not really worried about the stresses of life and it made me think why that view has changed.

In some ways I guess it is because this is real life – duh! That would be the logical explanation but I think it is also because it shows how much we have grown up from those many lifetimes ago and have become the people we are today.

I know this does sound completely stupid and must seem as though I am “high” from whatever meds I am currently taking for my back pain issues, but it’s not really. In some ways I wish I could go back in time and relive my youth, do so many things differently to what I did, live a little more, explore new territories but that is just wishful thinking at the end of the day.

Ok so in some ways I am jealous of Doctor Who (copyright BBC Cyrmu – have to keep the legalities in just for extra protection) and his TARDIS (again copyright BBC Cyrmu) as he can go back in time and see things from a different light or hell, just go back to an hour ago and maybe do things differently but then where would the fun be in that (although would be even more fun if I had control of the TARDIS and his sonic screwdriver).

I know, I know, that really shows the inner doctor who nerd of me, but it’s true, think about it for a moment. I am sure most of you have felt the same in one way or another.

Though in most ways I am happy and glad of the person I have become today. Yeah sure there have been a few downs but there have been a few up or good points which have shaped who I am. I have a loving partner who I love and support very much, the love and support of my family and very close friends.

I guess in a way you could say that our past and our present make us who we are, never the same but always different.

Tough I still reckon it would be cool to go back in time and maybe have some fun causing havoc - don't you?

Back pain hell!!

2011-03-16T22:41:00.002+11:00

Ok so this is going to be a blog that is somewhat very personal, but I thought it was worth sharing none the less.

A lot of people normally see a side of me, well a face that I put on, a happy one, but i am far from happy. Why you ask, well its because of my disability which I was born with and no before anyone asks, I don’t blame my parents.

I have been living with a lot of pain over the last couple of years. to explain in short I have Spina Bifida, however I have a rare case that is not common and the doctor have trouble trying to work out the best course of action as I have fatty/scar tissue wrapping around my spine causing all sorts of issues.

To explain more, I have had 4 back surgeries, one when i was 6 months old, then 4 and a half, 16 and 19 with the last one in 2003 having complications due to spinal fluid leakage in which it was advised by my previous neurosurgeon that another operation would not be a possibility because there is not enough skin to hold.

However in january this year, my new neurosurgeon has advised that he can operate and there are ways around/patches which can be used to stop spinal leakage from occurring, the only catch is that he is not able to guarantee if I will get better, stay the same or in fact get worse.

Why?

Well the problem is that with that fatty tissue, there is nerves running through such tissues and as they cut away the fatty tissue, they can cut or severely severe the nerves which could in fact lead to further problems. hence why the surgeon has stated it would be exploratory but they will try their best not to cause to much distress.

Now your probably even thinking why would I go ahead with the surgery when there are guarantees. Well that again is simple - I need to do something and try and see if it works or pays off. Yeah if it gets worse, it gets worse but it has to be better then what the current situation.

The current situation is that I am currently in Westmead Hospital since last Friday because of increased back[ain and complete weakness of my legs. Don’t get me wrong, I do use a wheelchair to get around in the community, but at home I generally use walking crutches or just hold on to things and try to walk.

I am over the pain right now and just want to see what may or may not happen if I have the surgery, the problem is the doctors are unable to do the surgery while I am in here which worries me a little.

To say the least the last 6 months or so have been so bad with back pain that, well I have wanted to do something which in all honesty would be a cowardly thing to do but when your living with so much pain it does become unbearable.

Yeah sure I am on pain medication but thats not really a long term viability. Something needs to be done and right now the only thing that could be at least some benefit if not no benefit at all is the surgery.

Again your wondering why I am telling you this and the truth is, I wanted to go, well pubic and say that if you are living with back pain or problems alike, then you certainly aren’t alone.

I just hope that things improve soon if not the wheels are put fully in motion for this surgery to happen because I am just over all this pain!!

I would like to note that I do have a wonderful support group. From my family (my mum, dad, and little brother) to my wonderful partner, Brett to various friends and relatives!! Without their support I know I could not have gotten through this or the last 6 months!!!

Note:

If you are looking to find out more about spina bifida, then please click on the links below -

Northcott Spina Bifida Services (if you can, please donate to this worth while charity)
Spina Bifida (wikipedia)
Spina Bifida Hydrocephalus Queensland

Song of hurt/pain/breakup/down and out

2011-03-14T10:02:00.000+11:00

I have no idea why I am writing this blog about my list of breakup/hurt songs for?

I think it could be simply because I have quite a bit of back pain right now and I am listening to this playlist right now - weird I know but I am over pain right now!

These are the songs I play when I feel down, hurt or have broken or dumped by someone.

Well without further, here is my list

Left outside alone - Anatascia
One of us - ABBA/A*teens
The Call - Backstreet Boys
These Days - Bardot
Sorry seems to be the hardest thing to say - Blue/Elton John
Stronger - Britney Spears/Glee Cast
Beautiful - Christina Aguilera
Heartbreak (Make me a dancer) - Freemasons feat Sophie Ellis-Bextor
He Don’t love you - Human Nature
Don’t wanna let you go - Five
Over you - Sophie Ellis-Bextor
Total Eclipse of the Heart - Glee Cast
Bad Romance - Lady Gaga or Glee Cast
Half a heart - H & Claire
The Letter - Hoobastank feat Vanessa Amorosi
Sorry - Madonna
If I never see your face again - Maroon 5 feat Rhinnana
Wake up call - Maroon 5
So What - P!nk
Lonely no more - Rob Thomas
I never liked you - Rogue Traders
Have you ever - S Club 7
Be that way - Scandal’us
I can’t decide - Scissor Sisters
Kiss you off - Scissor Sisters
Who do you think you are - Spice Girls
Hard to say I’m sorry - Westlife
My Turn - Yehonathan
Who do you think you are - Spice Girls
What about us - John Barrowman

Well there is my list. I know there are some weird song, but this is my playlist when I am feeing down and out of it!

I would like to also hear what songs you think or are great hurt, down and out of luck or breakup songs?

We used to be friends

2011-01-23T18:13:00.003+11:00

Well I hate to say it, but i certainly believe that the song 'we used to be friends' by The Dandy Warholes (if you don't know what song I am talking about, here it is for you - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bm1g5Yg0hUw&ob=av2nm) really does have a meaning to it.

Why does it have a meaning, well because I am disappointed in a couple of people I used to be friends with back in the day and have tried on numerous occasions (more so recently) but they just seem to snob me off. I know people change but honestly its just rude!

I feel some what hurt because these people where really close to myself, actually helped me during dark times, fun times, sad times and were just there we I needed a friend. Ok yeah I might have lost touch with them, but the minute you try to make it up and just not say either hello back or block myself of certain apps, msn or yahoo is just rude. What may have been said in the past, and i am talking like childhood year - kids can say and be real bastards, but hey where adults now right? So whats the problem............who knows, all I know is if thats the way its going to be, then fine, don't come crawling back later on with your tail between your legs acting like a sad puppy cause I won't be listening............or maybe I should and treat you the way you have treated me!!

Oh well, as the song and the headline for this post state, we USED to be friends! Good bye and goodluck!

Looking back, a Summary of 2010 - miracle style

2010-12-30T20:32:00.000+11:00

Ok, it is officially sad. I haven’t blogged since January this year......I am actually quite shocked and horrified it has been so long and with 2011 just a mere two days away, here I am blogging for the year’s end!!!

I Just don’t know where to actually start........I suppose the beginning would probably be the best but thats just it, so much has truly happened.

It’s like those times in which you have one year that really nothing major really happens and then you have another year either the same or a little more hectic or just outright outrageous.

If I was asked to rate what kind of year I would have........well let’s just say there aren’t enough words to even begin to describe what a year it has been. So many changes, so many new friends and familiar faces popping up or catching up over coffee or lunch. I just hope 2011 is either going to be a little calmer if not actually on my side for once.....hopefully!!!

However thinking about it now 2010 hasn’t been all that bad. There have been a couple of changes in which I am proud to say yeah I’ve done it!!! (now now, no dirty thinking there boys and girls, lets keep it clean yeah?).

Got a promotion at work during the first half of the year, moved out of home and in with my partner (although scary as it is, it wasn’t too bad).

Written a few new fan fictions as well, which also surprised me (If you think I am seriously going to let you know my pen name, then you are dreaming a dream which shall never happen - of course the people who already know, its all good)

Had a holiday up at the Gold Coast also in the first half of the year, which actually was quite nice come to think about it. Was good and very well deserved. Also went back up to Brisbane to catch up with my dearest friends and well bug brother Steph and his partner Andrew, Actually i believe my relationship with Brett is pretty much like their, which come to think about it...........yeah that’s scary (love you Stephy and Andy and a huge thank you and hello to Ma as well!!!!).

Also had a couple of low points in the year, mainly around being admitted to Westmead Hospital yet again (seriously, I have to think about either buying fully or at least half into that place. It seems I can never escape) due to backpain issues which was fun to say the least. Only downside is when the crazy patient next door tried to do a striptease and lets just say it wasn’t a sight you would ever want to see.

Been also to Westmead since due to gastro bug I seemed to have caught but so far now, all is well (probably just jinxed myself)

Also got into the world of twitter baby yeah!!! why not follow me -

www.twitter.com/miracleboi it’s all good!!!!

Been on the airwaves with the lovely Emma and Johnny B who is the host of his own show, bringin’ it back on SWRFM 99.9 (shameless plug here, but also going back on Monday 3rd January 2011). It is awesome that local community radio stations are bringing awesome shows and tunes back to where it all starts really. Seeding those grassroots (ok that probably sounds wrong but eh - sue me!!)

So yeah, 2010 has been pretty hectic, but would I change it for anything in the world, hell no (well maybe the staying in Westmead for 3 weeks but yeah - hell no!!)

The only thing I am left to say is that I hope 2011 bring more change, drama, action, love, peace and harmony!!!

I hope all of you have a safe New Years celebrations and enjoy what life has to offer and bring you, because it only get’s better with time!!!

Take care and until next time, Take care yeah!!!

Miracleboi (aka Alex)

Looking back to the future

2010-01-02T09:02:00.002+11:00

Well its is the New Year, 2010 and although most people are saying this is the new decade, I certainly think it is a timely reminder that it seems we are willing to celebrate things a little bit too early.

For example, the new decade really doesn't start until the beginning of 2011, or how we tend to celebrate birthdays, weddings even national public holidays early.

I sometimes wonder why we seem to want to celebrate things early. Yeah most people would say any excuse for a party and i would have to agree but i also feel in some ways we need to look at things from a bigger picture? Is it really worth it?

With that said i need to move on and digress some more as 2009 certainly was an interesting year in itself.

Yes 2009 brought happiness and sadness not only to myself but my family, friends and my partner Brett. Looking back it is amazing how much things changed but how my relationship grew with not only my partner but my family and friends as well.

I just hope 2010 doesn't start off the same for me and so far (without jinxing myself here) hasn't happened so far.

With that i have a few people i need to say thank you too for all your support over 2009 as you have been there when i have needed it the most.

Brett -

Well what to really say here? I think even writing how much I love you and thank you for being both my tower of strength and rock when i needed it the most doesn't seem enough really. 2009 certainly brought us together and i look forward to what 2010 will bring us. I love you soo much and really cannot wait to see what 2010 has in stall for us both.

Mum -

Well this is always a hard thing as not many of us thank our own mothers for all they have done. I know i don't say it enough but thank you for everything you have done for me. You have helped me through some very difficult times in 2009 and i thank you for allowing me to talk things through with you and make me see things much more clearly. I love you Mum and thank you for all you have done!

Emma -

Ms Emma what i can i say? It has been two and a half years since we both began at the WPA and it seems our friendship was just meant to be. I have enjoyed very much our late night conversations on MSN and also during drinks night or latte's down at Gloria Jeans but also just having our "discussions" during breaks both outside of the office and our little shopping adventures. I certainly hope 2010 brings you the happiness you deserve

Dean -

Well Mr Dean, this is going to be interesting because i have soo missed our little banter at the office over the past 6 months as its not the same on MSN sometimes. I think i shrine to your wonder and just round kindness should be erected out the front of the workplace. I certainly hope to catch up again soon and hope 2010 brings your the best of everything for you. I look forward to coming to any future shows you may perform in and just be inspired!

Shannon -

My youngest brother, 2009 certain was filled with highs and lows but i am finally glad to see you happy doing the one thing that really makes you feel good! I know i give you grief over working for a certain airline (which i won't mention on here :P) but if i didn't then well things wouldn't be interesting now would they? I really do hope that you find happiness as you truly deserve it. Thank you for supporting myself and Brett when we needed it!

Wade -

I really don't know what to say here? 2009 certainly has been interesting for you and i know it has also been tough but like i said for Shannon, i am finally glad to see that you have found a job you love more so than your last and i thank you for making me laugh when i needed it sometimes!

Kerri -

Well now i have to be careful here as i do sometimes have to remind myself that this is a public forum and that some of our discussions but without you during my time on hospital (and its scary i am admitting this right now lol) that you made the time seems a little bit brighter, so thank you

Julia -

Well again i have to keep this clean for the sake of the readers but while i was in hospital, your banter and laughter made the day seem brighter. I wish you all the best for the HSC this year and i know you will do very well. Thank you for everything you have done to keep my spirits high when i needed it.

My Nuke friends -

To all my Nuke friends (and your all on my FB and on the wiki) I have to say that it has been a pleasure to get to know you guys and work along side you on the wiki and support the characters and read the fine Fan Fiction. I look forward to getting to know you all a bit better and work to save the show we love the most!!!

Well this is just a small list but to everyone i have got to know and might not have mentioned, I haven't forgotten you and i thank you all for your support and hope this can continue well into the new year

With that all said, it's time for me to go, but i want to wish you all a happy and safe new year for 2010, may it bring everyone of you happiness and joy, wonder and laughter with some mystery thrown in for good measure.

Take Care and till next time!

Miracleboi > signing off for now!

Housing NSW.......makes the Brady bunch look normal

2009-09-27T17:56:00.003+10:00

Ok again i am sorry for not updating for a little while but you will get the reason why during this little or well long blog, for how ever long it is really.

Ok where to start here. As most might know i have disability and slowly going into a wheelchair, not that i am complaining but Housing NSW (or Department of Housing, like social housing as such) have been causing a constant headache for myself and my family.

First off late last year we applied to be permanently transferred to a new house with the intent it be fully modified to cater for a wheelchair to only have just before Christmas 2008 have that knocked back because i earn to much.

I understand the reasoning but with a declining person with restrictive mobility not being able to fully utilise a non wheelchair accessible house they are a listed tenant living their you think common sense would come into effect.

HELL NO, THIS IS NSW GOVERNMENT RED TAPE WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HERE!

Not specifically having a go at anyone who i do know works for the NSW Government but still, it is a huge Joke if not just a major disappointment.

Now we are applied for a reconsideration to only find out that the reconsideration got lost, or they never got it to only have it handed into the office we deal with and to have it rejected because we didn't meet time frames (apparently you have to apply for the recon within 14 days yet there is no where i can find that actually says this within the legislation - typical eh)

Anyway we ended up going back as a party with my OT, Social workers and family members to work on a better proposal and try to re-apply for another transfer request which we have now down, but here comes the better part of the story.

As I type this, I am currently staying at a motel in Burwood because Housing NSW wanted to get the list of work it has had planned for the past oh.................. 11 years done with us being out of the house while this occurs.

The only good thing is that they are paying for this, the funny thing that isn't good about this is that so far the only jobs that have been completed are -

- Painting of internal walls and windows (mind you during the dust storm Sydney had on Wednesday) which started on that Wednesday and right through until Thursday

- Carpenters come in and fix any thing that needed a carpenters hand at fixing like the windows, doors, door frames, etc

But it is the things that need to be completed by tis coming wednesday that have us worried such as -

- New carpet and Lino to be put down, replacing what is still laid within the house

- New Electrical wiring to be done and completed

- Removal of a dehumidifier that hasn't worked for well over 5 years out of the roof

- further exploration of what damage has been done to the roof from the roofers who put on the new tiles without checking the supporting rafters or beams (Typical mind you if you ask me)

- treatment of the concrete cancer within the brickwork on the outside

- facia board at front to be fully replaced

- treatment of mould on the brickwork on the outside of the house

- guttering to be replaced

i could just keep going really but i wont, but that gives you the idea at least on what is really going on at our house, yet the Dept want to increase our rent by $20 a week because of the size of the house its the right thing to do in the area we live in

HELLLLLOOOOOOOOO..........IN THE WORDS OF A KELIS SONG HERE I DON'T THINK SO!

So that matter has gone to the tribunal (CTTT) and we are awaiting for all works to be completed before we even agree for the increase and let me tell you, they can fight us tooth and nail if they want because i will make sure that all work is completed before this happens!

It just amazes me that Housing NSW have had this list with them for well over 11 years but nothing has really been done about it until the federal government hands them some money and says "do what you need to do to fix all these problems"

Seriously it is just wrong and i wouldn't be surprised if the NSW government (Being the current Labour Government) gets a good swift kick up the rear ends it needs to get ousted and realise that enough is enough really!

On the other half i do have to say and make one small disclaimer here that our Client Services Officer (or CSO) has been brilliant when we have been trying to get things done and very helpful but for the rest of the Dept, if this was to be like an episode of Big Brother or the Brady Bunch, it would make those programs seem somewhat normal really

No wonder at the age of 25 i am starting to get grey hair..................

Red Tape is the new Black!

2009-08-19T16:30:00.002+10:00

Ok so, well two posts in one day........obviously there is a lot happening huh???

Well all i have to say is........why the hell do state government departments have to make just even the smallest of any request to well huge request so bloody hard???

Ok to explain in depth here, I currently live with my parents in the inner south west suburbs of Sydney in a NSW Department of Housing house. Now i have lived in this house and suburb for well, about close to nearly 12-13 years (not including the time i moved out and lived with the biggest mistake of my life) and due to my disability plus the age of the house, being it was built in the 1950's and made from double brick, modifications to make this house accessible for a wheelchair are pretty slim to no chance.

Yet you think that based on that alone and my deteriorating health (which i am trying to get back to normal, well at least to a certain degree) would allow for a simple transfer right????

To quote Kellis here "I DON'T THINK SO!"

No because apparently of my wage, being it is a little bit over the threshold, they have denied the transfer request twice. The first one came in Dec last year and it now seems the new request has been denied and we have to apply for a reconsideration on that request.

Now here comes the catch, both times i have been told it is because of my wage right and i am going to put it to you like this. If someone came up to you and asked, oh instead of getting lets say $26 an hour, can you go to about $15 per hour for work wage, what would you say???

Think about it, it doesn't take a genius to work out what the answer would be (HELL NO! In my case, but lets just say i used other...ah wording LOL)

Now the only good thing is the we are getting some sort of help from people who actually know what we should be doing and i won't go into further details there, but unlike before where everyone said one thing, but actually meant another (In other words back stabbing!!) we know what we should do to try and at least get a reconsideration made!

All i can say is that after running around trying to get all the documentation needed for this transfer request, then trying to find out what is happing, getting told "spin" in a way and also getting no where in the end - red tape seems to really be the new black in this case.

It's no wonder why NSW government is in a downhill spiral! just seems to "spin" its self right round, round round LOL

The only thing that makes me tissed off about all this, is that people who do the right things and try their best to look after such old places like ours that have mould growing on ceilings and wall (which we are trying to clean as much as possible), a roof that needs to be replaced after having new tiles put on it because the rafters are in need of replacement that it makes you wonder why they spent money on getting new tiles, only in the end to have to get the whole roof replaced, painting both inside and outside plus new carpets......the list is just endless.

And yet the NSW government says that tenants are happy and the housing is getting better. Where does Nathan come from again and is he really living in a Utopia Sydney, cause if so, where do i sign up to move in their!

Oh well, might have to go out and by a red tape special dress or something, that might just cheer me up.........

A Story of the Everyday Commuter

2009-08-19T15:58:00.003+10:00

Come sit down children and i shall tell you a story of the everyday Sydney commuter.

Once upon a time in a city full of beauty and wonder, there was this transport system that everyone loved. The trains where on time and clean, the ferries hardly crashed into anything and where too clean and the buses where on time, never late nor stuck in traffic jams and free from any graffiti or dirt.

Yes children it was wonderful Sydney, where the commuters gave way for other passenger boarding on or off, smiles could be seen a plenty and everyone worked together to help achieve the targets of on time performance and commuter satisfaction!

YEAH RIGHT!

As if a story like that ever existed in all it's glory.

No the everyday commuter is rude, dumb founded and generally i would put it as either watching Jessica Simpson perform just such a blonde moment, making you wonder if you either awake or just living a horrible, horrible nightmare.

No the everyday commuter in Sydney never gives way for other passengers let alone people with prams or people in wheelchairs. No they expect those people to fit into such crammed areas its no wonder retaliation has set in through form of yelling or even just running over of little toes.

It has just surprised me that given a city the is popular with being so friendly and a welcoming place to stay and visit that this type of behavior actually exists. But then again what do you expect in a city where the only person who is important is yourself.

It just makes me wonder what went wrong and when it happened??

The only other thing i have to add to this is why people have to show their affections public. Don't get me wrong i don't mind it but let's just say that if someone of the same sex was to show public affection, it would be outrage - so where is the difference i ask you. If same sex partners who are totally in love are not allowed to show affection in public without getting snide remarks etc etc then why should "normal straight" couples be allowed to

Think about it, because it's just the way things are. All i have to say is grow up and stop acting like 5 year old children who have had their favourite toy stolen or broken! Get your dummy and suck on it because there is only so much dummy spits one can take without going mental!

With that said, here is hoping for the story in the begining of this blog actually comes true........one day at least!

Idol that ain't idols

2009-08-09T21:41:00.002+10:00

Ok so, watching the first episode of Australian Idol 2009 (which has surprisingly lasted 7 seasons so far, so it seems ten truly is doing something right......fingers crossed) and i have never ever in my whole entire time sitting watching a show have ever wanted to get some domestos and clean out my ears and poor brain from the meltdown caused by people who just wanted their five minutes of fame really.

I mean come on, seriously if you know you are a bad singer (and god knows you should be able to tell because thanks to the geniuses at sony entertainment europe there is a thing called "singstar". If you don't own it, I suggest you get down to your nearest JB HiFi/Big W/Target/Kmart or where ever you can buy "singstar" and get one - immediately).

I mean for god sakes, if someone actually tells you yeah get to idol auditions, please and i am begging you, listen to your self sing either through "singstar" or through other means, like garageband on apple or if you don't have that tape your self or just record yourself singing! It's not hard people.

I just think that while yes it is entertaining, i do actually feel sorry for the judges and tv crews who have to go through the task of actually listening to deaf or well the tone deaf try to make themselves think (if you can call that) they can sing!

Who are they trying to convince here, because i am sorry hunny, but you either need to get that hearing aid checked or keep your day job, because you are certainly not the next idol!

On the same subject of ranting about Aus Idol

I have to say WTF??? I know that it is a singing contest and that if you have any experience at singing (which in my books should at least be a requirement if not some sort of basis for the rules here), but letting some guy who was part of a former boyband who where popular for the i believe 1 year they actually lasted in the comp and through to the top 100???

Like is it me or is there something i am missing. Yeah ok everyone should get their shot, but say if the likes of well................let me think here.......Guy Sebastian or Shannon Noll was needing a come back and wanted to get into the comp, would you allow it???

It just makes me think that there is somewhat of a unequaled advantage but then again it might actually help boost ratings.

Here's hoping that idol just isn't going to fall on its own sword this year, god knows they are going to need something to help pin it up with Kyle gone now...........

The View aint a View

2009-07-29T21:06:00.003+10:00

Ok so while in hospital again - I know i am still here and i am hoping and crossing fingers, toes and well just about anything that could and can be crossed ( I will leave that up to your own imaginations).

Anyways getting back to the point of this blog. I got to watching some of "The View" on Channel Nine here (Its a free to view network) and i have to say it was quite interesting.

"The View" as it is called is supposed to give you or at least give a view about things in the tabloids, television and generally anything within the public and i found it quite interesting that they would stick to one topic but throw in other parts of another topic and some how compare it.

But the thing that got me was.....well this is probably going to sound really, really nasty but it just has to be said for the record that Barbara Walters really needs to know when to stop either having botox injections or surgery or what ever it is she is having done to her face.

Let me put it to you, when she talks her mouth is as straight at a line but it looks like it struggles to even help her speak. The other problem is that she really cannot show any sort of emotion.

It begs to say that with her age she does look good, but at what cost?

All i could think was, Barbara.... you need help and fast.

I wonder if NRMA can help as well it can't help but help.................

Hospital is soo much fun.............

2009-07-28T15:54:00.002+10:00

I am sorry I haven't been updating this blog site to which I have to say is a poor reminder of how busy i have been with just a lot of things in general.

Anywhoo, I have to say so far the last well nearly two weeks have been fun (Not!). I am currently writing this from my bedside in Westmead Hospital because, well I don't even know why. It seems my legs did like the travel agent from Little Britain, to quote "computer says nooooo" well to me it was "Legs say noooooooo".

Anyway after finally getting out of bed with the help of my partner and well mum (I know sad thing to say but eh, leave me be - I am a mumma's boy hahahahahahaha) getting me into the shower, dress me and then getting up to my local doctors to which i was informed i would be best going to Westmead Hospital as there wasn't much he could do (which i understand but....... just can't stand this place!).

So with myself, my mum and my partner now in the car we headed down towards the M4 Motor way and onto our journey to Westmead (Sorry i have to sugar coat it a bit). Once arriving we waited in Emergency until my name was called and i was sent into Triage into what they call "Fast Track"

Fast Track my ass!

I sat in this well corner of this stupid area waiting for at least a doctor to see me which took well over an hour let me tell you. The other problem being where i was situated was right nest to this air thing that sends both specimens and other hospital related crap to various areas of the hospital fast (I suppose thats the only fast thing in this place that is.....well fast! Actually i think that's where the name for this part of the emergency department must have been used for!).

Anyway once actually seeing a doctor and have an MRI done (For those who don't know what an MRI is, its a X-ray Imaging thing that is a long well tunnel or tube - get your mind out the gutters now if you think otherwise, and it dark and cold at first to which the x-ray specialists talk to you though this microphone thing, mind you they do give you ear phones which are of no help and you shall find out why, and you lay in this tunnel until it cranks up but not before they say 'your doing fine Alex" or "next one will be about six and half minutes" and then the noise starts which its is a mixture of like a jackhammer, tractor motors and aircraft motors starting or taking off - thats if you fly virgin mind you, if its Qantas or Jetstar, then you pray!)

Anyway then after having a CT scan also done and a couple of blood tests and urine samples for them no one could tell what was going on, mind you this was well about 7 hours after coming into "Fast Track".

Then they decided without telling me that i had to have an angiogram or heart thingy done to which i asked and said i wasn't going as it turned out that they wanted to do a lumber punch (now for my friends who know that due to complications of a previous back surgery in 2003, I am not able to have more surgeries done to my back because there is not enough skin etc etc etc) anyway to which the docs where not happy but after about fifteen minutes of talking we came to the conclusion that lumber punch was out of the question.

So after having more meds and more docs coming to see what they could do, it was decided after 12 hours of being in "Fast Track" i should have be admitted to the hospital. Finally!

Now the slight irony for me is that "Fast Track" is suppose to get you in and out of the hospital emergency department fast, but instead of doing this i was "Fast Tracked" into the hospital - Great huh???

Anyways it wasn't until about 3am Friday morning until i was moved to a ward and well settled for the night. I have to say that i did have a good night's sleep thanks to the meds i was on but still it meant i had to stay in this place.

So the next morning i was told i was having more tests done such as another MRI, but this time i had to have like a contrast put in so they can see things more colourful and everything (I think LOL) then i have to have like an EEG. Now this was the part i wasn't sure on or that as it was a test that sent electrical shots through targeted areas of your body, to which they did my arms and both my legs.

Now i have to say with my arms, it hurt, not the legs really because, well there was not much feeling down there but it did increase the pain. So that test went on for about 20 minutes in total.

After that test i was sent back to the ward to which i was advised that at about 4pm or 5pm that i was being moved to another ward as i was not in the right ward (great yet again they stuff it right up). So i was transferred to the right ward into t common room (mean you share with like 3 others) the only problem being that it had no TV (like WTF???? are you serious).

Anyway i was told i wouldn't be in that room for long!

2 days past, then a week passed. It wasn't until about a day ago i was moved into a single room because wait for it - i picked up an infection in here (for the people who want to know it is MRSA which is like staph/golden staph - YAY!!!!!!! NOT)

And on top of all that the team i am under here (nurosurgery) have been trying to palm me off to another team (Rehabilitation) but so far nothing has come up.

So yes my time here in the NSW Public Health system has been somewhat of a fun train ride. I have to say is the only thing that has been good is some of the people i have gotten to know here and some of the staff who are funny and well make the day seem just a little bit brighter (while the rest......well we won't get into that)

So yeah fun and games! That's all i have to say really

I soo need a drink........waiter.......oh right, your a nurse :(

What a shocker - Logies 2009

2009-05-03T21:14:00.002+10:00

Ok I have to start off here by saying that, Channel Nine really has hit rock bottom.
You can tell that either they hired monkeys to run this years show or they had to do some rethinking in the budget department or both perhaps??

Not only was it the most disappointing Logies Presentation, but it was truly very hard to watch. God even some of the actors either didn't have enough to drink or if the rumours where true that there was a limit???

I mean Dave Hughes paying out on Grant Denyer - if i was Grant i would have decked the guy or at least thrown something at hime. You can tell that there was MASSIVE cut backs. Even the jokes or so so called "Light" Humour was more painful to hear.

To think that i might have to even Domestos my ears and eyes because of such crap makes me want to puke.

Oh well just thinking about how much Channel Nine IS actually trying to save its self is even enough to make one person actually go, yeah there in trouble.

With that all i have to say is that if this is what we have to look forward to next year, please spare me the humliation of having to sit and actually watch the crap you put on. instead maybe put a health warning or something to actually warn that its going to be a crap show and to tune into either Channel 7, Network Ten or fr the old fogies in us all, the ABC!

Some thoughts that I have atm

2009-04-01T22:27:00.003+11:00

Ok first off i have been wondering a lot as to why nice guys do tend to always either finish off last or even second best. for example their are people who i know that have been sucessfull in things recently that they have always wanted or dreamed about, but when it is something that i may have always dreamed, wished or even prayed about nothing has happened, or if it has nothing has even come about it or again i have been told i have been unsuccessful.

I mean in most days i just want to raise the white flag and surrender, but then i think, why should i even do that? It's just allowing other people to win and for once I want to be the winner, so from now on i am going to try and be a bit more controlling and well not so trust worthy to a lot of people (Exluding my partner their cause well, there are certain privlidges that well should always be given and met!)

I have been thinking also about where I see myself in five years time and to tell you it is kind of scary to even look that far into the future, beacuse in some ways i really have no idea where i want to. I know that i want to be able to have the things i have always dreamed about, like a house (preferrably in my favourite suburb, and for those who are close to me who know exactly where i am talking about), have no debts to worry about like i still have thanks to well some very bad decisions from my past that somehow keep haunting me and just generally good health and not have to spend nearly once a month or so in Westmead Hospital - for once! (seriously though i am considering maybe at least buying into the hospital or even maybe buying it, seeming as well i am there just about nearly every couple of weeks - again!)

i guess its just that i am well not so much depressed but just can't understand as to why nice people do finish last and all the kind of nasty and vile people (that i know of, and if you are reading this and spying on me, you know exactly who you are!) and just for once i would love it if you could finish last so the rest of us can actually have a chance to get in first place.

oh well like that is ever going to happen!

Sydney - FAIL!!!

2009-03-29T23:15:00.000+11:00

OK well this really isn't directed at the whole of Sydney and really it isn't

I was going to post about this on Friday but thought i might do it now actually, seeming as i am on here.

Anyway i have had my shifts changed at work not that I am complaining, but on Friday i would have really swore at all the passengers on my part of the carriage on the 6.36pm Train from Town Hall to Lidcombe.

the first part is for the so called 'Idiots" for causing damage to the 5th car, causing it to be locked at Circular Quay and St James, leaving only 5 other carriages to utilize as such (being it was a 6 car service). Causing well a small yet disastrous overcrowding problem

Now common sense should somehow prevail here right when their is overcrowding you would think that people instead of being near the door, like i have to be when i am in my wheelchair, actually move up or down or fully actually inside the carriage, not at the doors right?

OH NO WAY TO SIMPLE. People standing the way, people run on knocking into me with their bags and do you think they even apologise - No. how would you like it if i ran over your skinny skanky arses and feet cause your in my way. its not like a wheelchair can fold up into a million pieces just so you can get your arse into the train.

so obviously i got hurt because of people rushing to get into the train and my little problem mainly lies around the fact that people aren't even giving way or using their brains and moving right out of the way, at least have some decency to move.

its only polite and its not really going to kill you know is it? its not like your actually going to miss your stop now either?

so please, i am begging, move fully inside the carriage after boarding your service and if you have either a heavy bag or a big back, take it off and place it in front of you.

If it whacks into someone then don't think they won't notice, actually apologise

So an update - at least

2009-03-29T23:06:00.000+11:00

Ok well its been well nearly three months since i have even updated this space now and i thought i had better in a way lol.

So where to start - ah yes my little bitching on Channel seve for being cowards for axing the lesbian kissing scene jaust beacuse of some narrow minded little so and so's could have their way.

I just don't get it, we live in a country that is willing to accepting gay rights and equality to a certain degree but when two guys or girls kiss on screen its 'oh no we can't have that'

WTF????????

seriously get with the program, its not 1975 thank you people, its 2009. isn't it time we greup and well actually got with the program. for example i don't see anyone complaining about Kevin and Scotty and their kisses or shows of affection from Brother's and Sisters, or when showtime/ SBS/ Fox 8 shows Queer as folk or the L word (shudders).

seriously its a kiss and love is love right? so what's wrong with love. if we in the gay community have to put with so called normall straight kissing right in our faces, its abot time we gave some of it back.

To bad if you don't like it i say - SO GET WITH THE PROGRAM PEOPLE!!!

Yay finally its up

2009-01-16T22:32:00.000+11:00

Well welcome to what is the first of hopefully many a new posts from the world according to and well through my eyes.

I do have to thank well my best friend Emmz who well helped me get to this spot

So please check regular and come back ya hear as i start posts very soon!